The 'Normal' That Never Came

Hello to all my faithful readers, all 5 of you! I thought it might be time to post another update if anything else, to let folks know that we are still alive : )

We passed our one year mark in January and there's good and bad that comes with that. On one hand, I'm so thankful that I've become a turbo-mommy-machine in this past year. Life forces you to change sometimes, in some really good ways. I remember back in April of last year when my last meal was delivered to me and I remember thinking, 'how in the world am I going to do this on my own?' The madness of mountains of laundry, the volume of groceries etc. But now I do all of these things without really even thinking how much harder it is. As I told someone at the grocery store the other day (a notorious peanut gallery of commenting about my family always ensues there) that you really can get used to anything.

So on a practical level, I've go this down. The hard part.... the sad part.... is that we are so often discouraged and even depressed about the way attachment has progressed. You have to think that the way the adoption classes prepare you to attach to just ONE child means that trying to attach to four, all at once, is going to be tricky to say the least. I can say without a doubt that attaching to the twins (adopted at 9 months old) has been a completely different experience than with the older kids. I assumed it would be but didn't realize how profoundly distinct the experience would be. I love all four of them but it's not the same. I think we had thought that time, especially a whole year, would really bond us together with these kids. We know them-- their habits, their likes/dislikes, insecurities, sin issues etc. But I am astonished some days, and then depressed over it, when I recognize how easily I am annoyed or angered by them, in a way that is different than my biological children. I want it so badly to be the same and to treat them justly, but I don't and sometimes it scares me to see how I think I'm becoming numb to it- 'oh well, that's just who he is and that thing he does is always going to bug me.' I think my biggest fear is that I'll give up trying to make it better.

This post was not meant to be so introspective but after talking with other adoptive moms over the past year, I am amazed at the silence I see regarding these hard, overwhelming issues - no one is talking about them. Maybe they're afraid people will think they're awful parents, maybe I would have thought that too had I not adopted and walked this road myself. But I think it's helpful to say, 'you know, this really stinks. (!) This is really hard and some days I don't believe it will ever be what it should be.'

The good news is I have a few friends who are much further down the road than I and they testify that God DOES bring new life and growth in your relationship with your adopted kids. But that it takes more time than we might have expected or hoped for. So for today, I remember that 'He who began a good work in me, WILL carry it on to completion'. I'm counting on it : )

Summer updates

Hard Decisions and Update

I'm not sure anyone will read this ; ), but for the two people out there who still occasionally check my blog, this is for you!

We have been home 7 months now and some things are routine and simple at this point, others are still very hard. Speaking English has come along really well and both G__ and L___ understand most daily conversations and are communicating pretty well on their own. They have become very close with their new siblings and although we have daily sibling conflicts, they have very healthy attachments to each other. (In fact, H__ was devastated when the school --see below-- would not allow G___ to be in his first grade class with him and sit next to him! It was a beautiful moment to see as a parent.)

This month presented a new dilemma, one I had not anticipated, really. As the twins have grown and developed all kinds of new skills (like walking and opening doors and exploring unauthorized places) I am overwhelmed all over again with daily life. I attempted to homeschool the older four kids a few weeks back, just to test-drive our new situation and see what kind of planning I would need to do. It was a good wake-up call as I quickly realized I was in WAY over my head. I guess a combination of the baby chaos, L___ and G___ needing high amounts of individual attention from me and Henry being first grade, also still needing one-on-one attention. And then having S___ starting 5th grade with so much more intensity applied to new subjects.... after one day, I was in a panic. I realized that if there is a mom out there that can homeschool these kids under these circumstances, it was not going to be me.

In January I had waitlisted H___ and L___ at a local classical charter school as a sort of back-up plan, should this situation come up. I called them the day before school started and asked if they could fit G___ into their first grade and much to my astonishment, a spot opened up. I felt like this was confirmation that all three should attend school for this year. So here is a picture of their first day of school. H___ and G___ attend first grade while L___ does morning kindergarten. I'm still homeschooling S___ with the babies underfoot but we have found so far that it is a good arrangement for now. I do hope to bring them all back home again next Fall to homeschool, after they have each grown and become a bit more independent. But for now, this is the 'new normal'.

I have always been told that you have to hold on to convictions like homeschooling with a gentle grip. I think until now, I had always had the opinion that no matter what our life situation, I would find a way to make homeschooling happen for our kids. But this adoption has forged a lot of new frontiers for me, in some really good ways, and my horizons are broadening. I am seeing now that God can lead you down unfamiliar paths sometimes but as long as you continue to listen to and respond to His leading, He will bless you and be in the midst of what you're doing at that moment. That is my prayer for this year, that He would go before these 3 little ones at school and use this time to bond us into closer attachments with our adopted kids and mature and grow S___ and H___ through these new experiences.

Tigist and Mebratu's 'Abetee'

While we were in Ethiopia to pick up our children, we stayed in a guest house with a few other adoptive American families. One of those families was also with our agency and was adopting a son who was from the same village as our children. When we picked up our kids from the foster care center and brought them back to the guest house, it was immediately apparent that these three were buddies, or, 'abetees'.

For the next few days, they played non-stop and constantly chattered in their native Wolaitian language. This was actually one of several graces that God planted in our life during that nightmarish week. Tigist and Mebratu were very good anyway, but to have a close friend to pal around with initially was quite a treat for them and quite a relief for us so we could focus on one sick baby.

We also flew on the same flight home to the U.S. together and then parted ways at Dulles (D.C.) airport when they went on to the Northwest and we flew home. It was a tearful moment to see these sweet children part, one more time, from their last link to 'home' and their former life, which they had almost completely left behind, save for the memories in their little heads. Strangely, the kids did not cry, just their new families. My hunch is that this one last breaking from their past was small compared to the other losses they had already grieved (and still are grieving). I don't know - emotionally, I still haven't figured my kids out and probably never will, but that's another post.

I recently contacted their 'Abetee's' mom and we arranged a phone call for the kids to chat and catch up. Tigist and Mebratu were quite delighted at the thought of getting to talk with him over the phone. They spent all of last night's dinner practicing and thinking about what they were going to say. (which my other kids turned into a silly session of thinking of all the wacky things they could tell Abetee about their new life with us... and the conversation went south from there).

Today the phone call came and I ran outside to pull the kids in to talk to Abettee. It was a little different than we expected. In the first 30 seconds, I think we heard some Wolaitian phrases tossed back and forth ( it was hard to tell because Mebratu kept screaming in his high-pitched little voice 'ABETEE!!!') He was in shock, I think that you could hear a familiar voice come out of that black thing that hangs on the wall (I don't think he's ever used a phone before) Then, I got down close to Tigist and listened, urging her to use 'words', and talk to Abettee with their 'Wolaitia words'. What happened next was so fascinating and at the same time, it made me sad. She looked at me and seemed confused at first. Then, I think she got what I was saying, that she could have a conversation with Abetee in her native tongue. She looked up at the ceiling like she was thinking very hard and then she looked a bit uncomfortable and confused at the same time. Her mind was grasping for Wolaitian words.... but they were gone. After only 9 weeks in the U.S., her native language has almost disappeared. I had assumed she would/could speak it now, if just given an opportunity.

But this experience today confirms what other adoptive families have told us. They lose their native language quickly. Not to say that they are talking up a storm in English. Quite the opposite. I have actually been frustrated with the 'wall' we've hit lately in her English. (Not so much with Mebratu who speaks much more English than she does.) I think that with Tigist being older (almost 8), she has entered the silent phase. She has no language right now. She is continuing to absorb English but does not speak it.

I know this is true because she and Sophie and I were listening to 'Adventures in Odyssey' tonight and she busted out laughing at the kid who wrote the poem about 'loving pants'. She got it! So, I think she does hear so much more than she speaks.

And so it was a bitter sweet kind of day. I see the Ethiopian identity of my children fading fast. I'm happy and excited for them to come into their own here, as Americans-- because that is what they are now. And I know that the new identity as Americans and as our children is ultimately going to bring them happiness. But at the same time, I am grieving for them. That so much has been lost and that the old Tigist and Mebratu that spoke a remote tribal dialect of southern Ethiopian, are leaving us for good.

Six Weeks Home

It is hard to believe it has been 6 weeks today that we arrived home from Ethiopia. In some ways it feels like a few years (!) but in other ways, it could have been last week.

The kids are adjusting well, I think. My expectations, I'm sure, were much too high for these little people. The language is slowly coming, sinking in - I think - but somedays I wonder if we have made any progress at all. Luke (Mebratu) is embracing his American life much more than his sister. He corrects people who still try to call him Mebratu. While Tigist ignores the name 'Grace' when we call it. In time, I think she will accept it. I don't think she dislikes the actual name, I think it is more of what it represents, perhaps, a loss of who she was.

Tigist is such a complex little person. She rarely speaks, smiles and nods when appropriate but is very reserved. When Sophie used Tigist's former (Ethiopian) last name this week, Tigist firmly- with an edge of anger- corrected her saying, 'No! Tigist BROWN'. She was visibly upset and did not want to be called her former full name again.

I know that some day we will be able to discuss all of these things with her and begin to relate to her feelings more. But for now, there continues to be a very high wall between us that I can barely see over. So many days I wish I could say, 'We're so happy you're here! Are you sad? Do you miss Ethiopia? Do you feel like you fit in here? Do you miss your home?" Oh, there is so much we could talk about if we could just talk! Until then, we will wait for the words to come.

Let's Pretend We're Homeless

For many years, even when they were really small, our kids have loved to pretend they're homeless. It always involves being in the backyard and pretending to scavenge around for food and then making a 'home' somewhere while wearing odd items of clothes they found in the dress-up box. For some reason, this is a LOT of fun, according to Sophie and Henry.

Now that they have two new playmates from Ethiopia in the backyard, I was curious whether they would find this activity any fun. My thought was that this might be a little too close to a recent reality for them. Well, whether it resembles a former life or not, I am happy to report that they are just as fascinated with making a home out of old towels and sticks in the back corner of our yard as my other kids are. I guess kids are really the same, no matter where they come from.

And, I am thankful all four of them enjoy it as much as they do since it seems to wear them out and releases a lot of energy, one of my biggest goals right now : )

Mebratu's Empty Plate

I remember seeing those World Vision specials on t.v. when I was a kid. They would show sad pictures of children starving in Ethiopia and I would always end up cleaning my plate off a little better that night at the dinner table. The guilt of wasting my 'plenty' made me try a little harder to eat those green beans.

Well, bringing Ethiopia into my own kitchen has had a similar effect on me. Each night at the dinner table, Mebratu (Luke) performs an amazing feat. First off, I've never seen a child this age eat such a variety of food (spicy things, bland things, gross things.... anything) and then not just eat the token 3 bites of a given food, but clean the plate off.

We were eating leftover Ethiopian chicken the other night (thank you, Heidi!) and I had finished my plate and was walking over to the trash to dump what I had left on my plate. I glanced over at Mebratu as he was walking his plate over and my heart sank. There was literally nothing left on his plate but the bare bones of two pieces of chicken. I don't think my dog could have left those bones more clean. Then I looked down at my chicken bones and this sense of guilt washed over me. There are parts of a piece of chicken that I guess I would say aren't considered 'edible' to me. But not to Mebratu. If I had let him, he would have taken my pieces and finished off the 'food' that was still there.

It made me stop and think about what his life must have been like over there. I imagine that meat or poultry was almost non-existent. (which is why he looks delighted at almost any meal when we set some kind of meat in front of him!) I think if I really knew what he lived through, given his very small size and possible rickets diagnosis (he is not even on the chart at the pediatrician's office for a 5 or 6 year old, according to American standards) and the evidence of his clean chicken bones, I would never want to throw food away again.

Fast Friends

The nap that just needed to happen...

The Hard Stuff

Tonight I just have to vent a bit. We are feeling overwhelmed with the mountain of problems these poor children have. So many issues to address and not knowing how we will pay to fix them (or find the time for all the appointments needed to work on them.... ) I'll just list them off:

1) Olivia seems to have no ability to use her legs. We keep trying to get her stand on us when we hold her but she just buckles and cries. She tips over easily and barley sits up. She is, however, mostly healed from the pneumonia (as far as we can tell ) but we'll do another chest x-ray in a few weeks.

2) Luke has the saddest little legs I've ever seen. One of his knees buckles inward-- we have no idea why and it makes him run in a very awkward way. They are so thin, frail and have no muscle tone. He has almost no toenails. The pediatrician thinks they were eaten by fungus and may/may not ever grow back. We figured out why he is so obsessed with always having socks on. I think he is self-conscious about it (and he has to protect his little toes)

3) Both Luke and Grace have horrible breath and if you look in their mouths, almost half their teeth are brown (I assume they're rotten but honestly, I am terrified of taking them to the dentist to hear what will have to be done.) But I'm not sure how much longer we can take the stench!

4) Grace had a fungus on her scalp while in the orphanage. It looked fine/healthy when we got her but now there is something weird on Henry's head and I'm fearful that the fungus is reappearing in the family. This is a matter of prayer-- please pray that we are not overtaken by a scalp fungus! And if you know anything about this, please write me... I am clueless.

5) As I've tried to work with the kids this week on writing letters/numbers- oh, it has been slow. I know I need to be patient.... very patient. They have never had any kind of education. But how slow they are to learn has been a bit of a disappointment to me. We Americans do so much with our kids. Our toddlers can sort shapes and colors before they walk! These guys can't do that now at age 6 and 8 (or whatever they are, we don't know). Things like using scissors, pulling up stickers off a page; being able to see if something is upside down; holding a pencil; counting plastic teddy bears.... none of that is there. I am really struggling to not be discouraged about this right now. I know I need to remember where they have been (and I don't even really know the answer to that) and that they have been raised in a place so far from my face-paced, 'intelligence-driven' culture and way of raising children. Another thing to pray about : ) I know God need to change me on this point, not them.

6) And lastly, (and I promise this is my last gripe), they are wild! Unless you can strap them to a chair (don't worry, I'm not doing that!) they run through my house and have this high-pitched Ethiopian scream and yell words that are driving me crazy! Luke constantly makes paper airplanes and propels them at us and loves any kind of gun/weapon. They constantly rumage through drawers and closets and I can't find so many things... i.e. where the heck are my orange scissors??? I know it must be because they are bored and aren't sure what to do with themselves but I don't know what to do with them either! I try to get them to sit and color and that lasts about 2 minutes. And you've heard about the 'Sesame Street' fiasco (which by the way has resulted in a constant Ethiopian-accented rendition of the 'Elmo's World' them song. And, they picked up the phrase 'check it out' which they love to scream at inappropriate times). I guess what I'm saying is that I need wisdom and creativity to figure out how to keep them busy, in a good way. There is so little that they can do and I am just out of energy and ideas.

Okay, that is my vent for tonight. Mostly, it a plea for prayer and now you know what to pray for. I know that we are in the worst of so much of this right now. So many unanswered questions, so many insecurities about the future, so much work ahead of us-- it has been daunting. But I know that God has given these children to us-- they are ours. I just need to figure out how to make it through tomorrow : )

My Twins and Their Fifth Wheel

These pictures describe the story of our photo session today. I dressed the babies in their new "Nana Outfits" and set them up on the floor. I went to get my camera and when I came back, I noticed Digory meandering over from where he was taking his nap. He then proceeded to plant himself as close to them as he could (see picture number four) and right smack in the middle of my portrait. I didn't have the heart to shove him out of the way so, here he is. But it illustrates the saga of his life at the moment-- clammoring to remain the baby of the family, but recognizing that he is now number seven and down at the bottom of the totem poll. He does, however, LOVE the kids and especially the babies. They grab a fistfull of his fur and he never even flinches-- just enjoys the attention even if it comes with a bit of pain. (notice Digory is resting his head on Olivia's leg in the last picture - so sweet.)

No English and No Naps But We're Having Fun

We have been home for 11 days now. In some ways, it feels like an eternity. The days are LONG because I am not used to being 'on' for the entire day. But, we are surviving well.

First, I want to let all my readers know about the amazing help I am getting from my friends and church. We get meals delivered to us at least every other day, sometimes more, and almost each day someone picks up laundry and then delivers it back to my house, clean and folded! I told someone that I feel like I'm riding a bike with training wheels right now and eventually, those wheels will have to come off but for now, what a relief that they are there.

We are enjoying being a family of 8. When we pack everyone into the Suburban, it is such a delight to look in my rear-view mirror and see 6 little faces looking at me. Mealtime is loud and crazy but full of fun - our table for 6 is full at last. Our new kids are great eaters. They rarely complain about anything in front of them and when they do, I just give them a look and they go on and eat whatever it is anyway. We have found that we have to cut them off, especially Mebratu, or he would eat until he makes himself sick. It has been nice, though, to have them as examples to the existing picky eaters in the family. We now have a no-tolerance policy for people who don't eat their dinner and the Ethiopians are leading the way with that.

Regarding the English speaking, we are still waiting for the words to come. My hunch at this point is that they are absorbing what we're saying and that one of these days, they might try speaking something in English. One Amharic word that has got to go is 'shint' which means 'bathroom' in English. Having them yell that in public, as happened today, is not going to work. I have tried to get them to sit in front of the t.v. to watch 'Sesame Street' (I had been advised this is a good way for them to pick up a lot of vocabulary as well as conversational English). However, Mebratu prefers to run through the house all morning playing with loud, electronic baby toys. When we 'forced' him to sit and watch it this morning-- so that I could do school quietly with Sophie and Henry upstairs-- he balled his eyes out for an entire 35 minutes. Mind boggling. I thought all kids love t.v. but now we know... Nonetheless, coerced 'Sesame Street' viewing will be on my agenda each day.

The babies are a TON of work but so much fun. We love on them and kiss on them just like we did Sophie and Henry. Bonding with them has come naturally and we see signs of attachment such as refusing the extended arms of others while burying their little faces in our shoulders; and noticing that a 'mommy sighting' (me trying to walk by without being seen) produces wailing and tears. Woohoo! They love us!

We have had a few episodes of pinching and hitting among certain family members. Again, this is so hard to sort out. Who hit who and why? I'm so afraid of falsely accusing the new kids because they cannot tell me their side but I am realizing more and more that they are not blameless, although their faces make them seem that way. So, we are slowly starting to implement discipline and it has been effective... I think. When the English comes, it will be a whole new world.

Besides the ketchup strangely appearing on the walls around the home, Olivia's daily poop blowouts (it mysteriously ends up all over her body and she's just sitting there doing nothing- how does that happen???), the drip system being pulled up from the backyard, Olivia refusing to nap more than 30 minutes at a time-- we are really doing quite well. But, please keep the prayers coming. We cannot imagine how we would be coping without them.
P.S. - Notice that I attempted matching outfits, sort of, in the picture above. That was foiled by one of the infamous Olivia poop blowouts mentioned in this post. After that, I gave up on the stripes.

America's (Not Ethiopia's), Funniest Home Videos

We are learning some fun and peculiar things about Ethiopians.

We have a family tradition of crowding onto the couch and watching America's Funniest Home Videos. We love it and typically Motte and I are laughing in tears over grandma on a pogo stick or something of that nature. However, we sat down with Tigist and Mebratu last night to introduce them to the show and it was interesting that they did not laugh much. In fact, when they did laugh I got the feeling it was only to join in with us. We had thought that humor might be universal (since our language barrier keeps us from watching anything else as a family) but it seems that in their culture, it just isn't funny to see various people 'eat it'.

In other news, the twins continue to drain the life out of us. Wow, I am really old I guess because I thought I could handle the exhaustion and raw physical work of taking care of twins better than this. Motte won't say it but I just know he is counting the days until he gets to return to his job (or 'day spa' as I like to call it). It has a lot to do with not having a schedule or really any inkling of an idea of what to do with them at any given moment. At 3:00 this afternoon, they were both crying, I couldn't remember when either of them had had a bottle or been changed and we both just said, 'now what?'. Good times. I know in my gut, though, that babies always do eventually get easier. This stage for us is really like having a newborn. You're just clueless and the cluelessness is the main cause for anxiety. Once we figure them out (it's just a double mystery at the moment), I think we will relax a little bit.

Anyway, please do pray for sleep for us and for wisdom. I apologize for the boring content here but this is the state of affairs at the moment. I'll try to report more interesting thoughts as they come up : )

We're Home!

As many of you know, we could not access our blog while in Ethiopia. We were told that the Ethiopian government blocks 'blogger'. So, I am sorry that this photo is delayed!

This is the day we picked up the children at the orphanage. Meeting them for the first time was not like we had imagined. We arrived on a bus and as we were stepping out, Tigist ran up to us and tackled us with a hug! Were were so surprised and didn't have our video ready. We had always pictured her being reserved but she was clearly counting the minutes to our arrival and she knew exactly who we were when we stepped off the bus. Mebratu, on the other hand, sort of hung back and waited for us to come to him. He was watching us but I could tell right then that he was timid. And to this day, now that we're home, it's still like that.

We went into the orphanage to complete paperwork and to meet the twins. Wondemu was asleep when they handed them to us and then Konjit fell asleep a few minutes later. We ended up leaving the twins for one extra day so that we could take the older two back to the guest house and have some special time with them, getting to know them. In hindsight, we are so glad we did this because the babies (especially Olivia Kongit) ended up being very sick and once we took custody of them, life became very difficult.

Here is an excerpt from what I wrote on facebook (our only link to the rest of the world while we were there) to let you know what happened while we were in Ethiopia:

... we have no access to email or phone here in ethiopia but i was able to get on FB on the dial up computer at the guest house. Our travelling companion (vounteer nanny) has officially bailed. She couldn't get on our flight last night from Paris (although she was supposed to be booked on it, it was overbooked and they started kicking people off. When she realized she would have to fly from paris to addis the next a.m. on her own, without us, she said she wanted to go home and forget it. we were devastated, counting on her help and many donors had paid her way (that w ill have to be settled later) we are pretty down and and really just shocked. Please pray for peace that this was God's will, that we do this alone. After arriving in Addis this a.m., 2 large pieces of luggage were gone. They have all the kids' clothes, diapers and most of the formula in them. They think they have found them in paris and they'll arrive here tues a.m. but we are supposed to get the kids on monday. please pray for wisdom on what to do. The guest house is run by very kind, sweet ethiopians. however, our room is right near the common area, it's loud, dogs bark outside the window constantly and our shower does not function yet. So, no sleep for 2 1/2 days, no shower for 3 days and wondering what we can eat and not get sick from.

To follow up on this first post, God provided by bringing our luggage to us on Monday morning rather than Tuesday. And, he gave us a strong sense that we should leave the babies for one more day at the orphanage so that we could have time with the kids. We got used to the dogs and figured out how to take a shower : ) (And did not get sick from the water as we had feared)

Here is my next post:

Finally back on line (until the power goes out!) What a crazy, hard last 48 hours. We have realized now that when we received Olivia on Tuesday afternoon, she was a very sick baby. We were told that she had a little cold but as the day wore on, her cough sounded very scary and her fever kept climbing. She was up all night and reached 106/107 fever, and breathed in a labored way we have never heard before. We called our agency and they assured us she was fine but we could take her to a doctor. At 1:30 in the am Motte headed out w/ a driver and drove threw slums to a hospital that was closed for the evening (how can that happen?) Then they found a clinic that would take her and the doctor there said she had pneumonia and prescribed an antibiotic. Another vist to the Korean Christan hospital today confirmed through a chest x ray that she has 3 areas of pneumonia in her lungs. Her fever has improved today but she is on a sleep-strike at the moment. Her breathing is still not good. So pray- that she improves significantly before tomorrow evening when our flight is supposed to leave Ethiopia and that both twins let us get more than 3-4 hours sleep tonight( we need rest before our 18 hour flight tomorrow). And, Oliver has a cold also that seems to be declining with a severe cough. Our airline may not allow her on if she is too sick and we just need to get her into the states so she can get better care. Olivia's health overall is not what we had been told. She is very small, cannot sit up at all and has little head control (she is 9 months old). We feel sad for her and know that she has lots of catching up to do, which she will do over time, but for now it is hard to see. She is strangely content to be alone and does not make a lot of eye contact- signs that attachment might be slow. So please also pray that she would have a sense/trust that we love her.Luke and Grace continue to be model citizens of Ethiopia. Still waiting for some sign of sin to kick in but so glad it hasn't (God's grace for this moment) It has been hard to leave them here at the guest house for long periods of time while we get medical care as we feel like we're neglecting them but sadly (reality) they don't seem to care much when we leave. They are just so used to being alone and on their own, I think.Anyway, we are sorry to sound so debbie-downer. This whole trip has just been plain ___(well, you fill in the blank) Nonetheless, we sense God carrying us through the fire and we know that your prayers are joined to that. Please keep them coming!!

I tear up now reading that with fresh memories of the misery. We were so afraid for Olivia and looking back now, we believe that God may have saved her life by bringing us to her at that exact time. We believe her pneumonia was not 'new' and it was threatening her life (with a 107 fever). We spent that whole night holding her and putting cold cloths on her, trying to force it down. I think our action to get the antibiotic and serious treatment (in spite of what the orphanage told us to do) could have saved her life. Nothing special about us but just having a loving parent come into the situation with an instinct that something bigger was going on is what may have saved her life.

And last, the trip home was absolutely the hardest 28 hours of my life. I would rather have given birth without an epidural than endure that! But, looking back, it was just something God wanted us to get through. We now have a severe phobia of flying with infants. I won't go into detail but the flight from Addis to DC was non-stop, 19 hours. Horrific. Projectile vomitting, hourly diarrhea from either or both twins; we ran out of diapers; ran out of formula and ran out of changes of clothes. We were surrounded by indifferent, annoyed and unhelpful people and well, it was just exhausting. However, Grace and Luke were perfect and slept and self entertained (as usual). They were great sports about it all and seemed to truly enjoy the ride at times. Again, God's grace to get through the rest of it.

We have been home almost 2 days and what a difference a few needed hours of sleep makes. We are enjoying the children so much. They are constantly running all over the house and out of breath (not used to steps I think), exploring all the toys and rooms. They love Sophie and Henry and have so much in common. Even though there is very little verbal communication, we are figuring out ways to get the message across. Children just seem to be able to relate without words. We hear squeals of delight and see Luke and Henry scrambling for the same bouncy ball in the hallway. We put them down for a 'quiet time' yesterday and Luke ended up falling asleep for 17 hours straight. I think he was just so overwhelmed and stimulated by everything new.

I have been writing this same post for 3 days ; ) Ah, life with 6 kids. So this paragraph is an update to the others. The beginning of sibling rivalry has kicked in. It was inevitable. Luke and Henry are having some territory battles but it is so hard to figure out who did what since one of them just spews out a bunch of words in defense of himself that make no sense to me at all. I need discernment!

Babies finally took naps today longer than 30 minutes. That was huge. I got a shower and a short nap myself. There is hope that my life might some day be 'normal' again! I'll update more later.

Are You Ready?

I think I've been asked this question 100 times this week. (If you're one of the people that asked me, don't feel bad, it's the obvious question to ask me right now). However, the more I've been asked the more I pause to process what I still need to do and then I'm certain there's a whole other list of things that I've failed to think of doing at all. At any rate, I'm experiencing some anxiety

Motte blogged recently about being 'ready' here. I love the shock of truth in what he said. We're getting ready for... the pain. But then one of his readers responded to his post with a beautiful quote from Prince Caspian. She reminded us of the scene when Aslan asks Caspian if he is ready to be king. Caspian answers that he doesn't think he is. And Aslan replies, "If you had thought you were ready, it would have been a sign that you were not."

I think all Christians have defining moments like this in life; when we see that we are (completely) unevenly matched with the task at hand. But this is right where God loves to have us. Because at this moment, we reqlinquish the pride in our hearts and let go of our self-sufficiency and we look up into heaven and cry out, 'God, fill me with YOU.' Then, and only then, in the power of the Lord Jesus himself, there is nothing you can't do.

We look forward to telling the story of how God pulls us through this adventure!

We Leave for Africa Next Week!

We are busy preparing for the trip of our life this week. Later next week, we will board a plane to Africa to bring our new children home. We have some wonderful news that God has brought us a helper for this trip. Her name is Courtney and she came to us through word-of-mouth, but really, it was just God. She is 28, single and has a huge heart for kids and especially orphans. She will be travelling with us and staying with us in Ethiopia to help us care for the kids! What an answer to prayer she is; honestly, a prayer that I did not have the faith to believe God would answer. He truly is supplying all our need.

Note: Oliver wants you to know that he intends to stop wearing pink when he comes home to us.

KOR Ministries Live Show/Podcast

Today Motte and I had an opportunity to talk on a live-radio and podcast show about how God led us in our adoption process. We were invited by Ryan Dobson of KorMinistries to come into his studio and talk about how we 'heard God's call' to adopt. Here is the link if but the show won't be up for another week.

UPDATE: Korkast had some problems with their podcast company so it wasn't up this week. But it's up now on iTunes or you can click here to listen now.

Merry Christmas!

Is something missing in this picture? We thought so. Thus, this is not being sent out inside a zillion Christmas cards this year, as I would do any other year. Instead we have opted to wait and get a new family photo when ALL of the Browns are finally together. You'll have to agree with me that I will have a MUCH more exciting picture to mail out at the end of January. So, Christmas cards from the Browns will be sent out in February this year (okay maybe March, if having 6 children might perhaps affect my ability to send them out in a timely manner.) We'll see....

Our Fundraising Prayer

We didn't know how the Lord would provide the $47,000 we needed to bring four Ethiopian children home. But we felt that even if we had to borrow tens of thousands of dollars to complete the adoption, we believed that God would meet our need one way or another.

And He has.

To date, we've raised a total of $38,730 -- $26,730 from individual gifts and $12,000 from two organizations in the form of grants, LifeSong for Orphans and Shaohannah's Hope. And though we're short of our goal, we are greatly humbled by the financial sacrifice many of our friends and family members (and, frankly, several people that had just met us) have made to bring new hope and life for these four orphans. And to bless our family to become their family.

Dear friends, thank you for making this possible. Thank you for coming alongside us in this most blessed endeavor. You have participated in what God calls a "pure and undefiled" religion, to care for the orphan.

What a faith-increasing thing it is to see the Lord provide over $40,000 to change forever our lives and the lives of Tigist, Mebratu, Konjit, and Wondamu.

How Much They've Changed

I wanted to take you back to early May of this year to explain a bit of the transformation that has happened in our children since then. I'm posting another picture of our kids here, taken in May when they first arrived at the orphanage in Soddo. Pictures honestly don't tell the story well enough.

We think this picture was taken within days after their mother left to make the 20 kilometer journey back to their village. You can still see the fear and sadness on their faces. Slowly, thoughout the summer as we received new pictures and updates, we could begin to see faint smiles from them. And in October and November we finally saw a full smile from each of them (which I'll also post below for your enjoyment!)

And if pictures don't tell the story well enough, look at how much they grew in a little over six months.

• Grace grew 2 1/2 inches and went from 30.8 pounds to 39. 7 pounds.
  
• Luke grew almost 3 and 1/2 inches and went from 22 pounds to 31.5 pounds (do you know a 6 year old who weighs 22 pounds?)
  
• And the twins were 5 pounds (Olivia) and 6.2 pounds (Oliver) when they were 3 weeks. They now weigh 14.3 pounds (Olivia) and 17.63 pounds (Oliver) at 7 1/2 months old. They are healthy!

I truly believe that God saved their lives through the loving care of this orphanage over the past 7 months. What a miracle.

Tomorrow, I will post a fascinating article written by an international adoption veteran, Michelle Gardner, titled Facing the Lion: The Ethiopian Famine. In it she explains the devastation and urgency of what is happening to Ethiopians and why orphan children are flooding their orphanages.

Introducing FOUR New Browns!

Grace Tigist Brown (age 7-9)

Luke Mebratu Brown (5-6)

Oliver Wondimu Brown (DOB 4/24/08)

Olivia Konjit Brown (DOB 4/24/08)

Here they are! Just a few hours ago in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, a judge declared us to be their new parents.

I cannot tell you what a delight it is to finally be able to post pictures today of our beautiful children. It has been seven months since we first saw their picture and made the decision to adopt them. God has been faithful beyond words. We are overwhelmed this morning with a sense of undeserved blessing. God moved on their behalf and ours in this situation as so many adoption petitions are encountering difficulty at this stage. They are officially, legally Browns this morning! We will travel in January, Lord willing, to bring them home.

Thank you for praying! And praise God with us for this great work that He has done.

"As for me, I would seek God, and to God would I commit my cause,who does great things and unsearchable, marvelous things without number..." Job 5:8,9